Memories

I viewed a picture on facebook today, it's nothing more than a large red bluff with a dry riverbed lying in the foreground. It is however a trigger for the memories of things that live so vividly behind me, and yet, they are not behind. Sometimes a memory is so strong that it is ever present in one's mind. I can see that memory in such a way as to believe I am still living it. It is that memories have a way of doing that to each of us in some manner. It's not just about good memories,bad memories can also exist in the same manner. It is a must for some to live through those bad memories so that they might conquer them, move them out of the way and move on with life. There are times that good memories will destroy the willingness to move on with life in that we wish so much to live those memories and dwell on the past that we truely fail to see any future. It is necesary to defeat the control that a memory has on a person,they should be controled by us. There seems to be a fine line between help and hinderence in a memory in that a bad memory may have to be relived and that a good memory has the possibility to destroy future. Never the less it is so important to build memories in our lives and the children that participate in our lives. It is with greater importantance they be good memories, ones that can be looked back on with happiness and enjoyment. In childcare, I have so often seen children who have no good memories and bad memories have so controled their lives that they can find no hope. I am without the education that enables me to give any stats, but I know that it takes many good memories to offset those memories that are bad. It is a tremendous undertaking to begin that job in life, although necessary in helping those who you oversee to deal with that which is bad and replace that with good. It is often a simple thing that ocures and that comes from the heart that builds the greatest memory in our life or in a childs life. However, it comes with a great amount of work and sacrifice of time. We have found in the past years that there are unusual things that spur good memories. I have a child, now two of them who love cranbery sauce. We began to look for a way to exhibit that one food item and found a very plain crystal dish. Those two children know that dish is about cranberry sause and a good time, meaning that from that dish they can get as much cranberry sauce as they wish. It is not necessary for me to understand why this builds such a great memory, just that it does. I have had evening campfires with the boys, I have built fence and dug post holes with groups of children. When they talk of these things there are big smiles that come upon their faces, it is good to once again remember those times of enjoyment. I have even had those who have earned some of those post holes because of bad behavior. It is however that they remember me being there helping them when they became tired. I never finish the job they had set before them, just helped accomplish reaching the goal in front of them. I was suprised that they had not remembered the discipline but the time I spent with them. I am a little older now and must find new ways to accomplish some of the things. I have a 6 year old that has been with me for a couple of years, he wants to be a cowboy. I found him a hat and so it has begun, he has ask if I'll teach him how to rope. I picked up a dummy steer head at Gebos the other dayhere in about a week I'll get him down to the barn and mount that head on a bale of hay and see where it takes us. To use a line, the steer head was twenty dollars, the time is unpayable, but the memory will be priceless. As you read this thought,think about the memory you can build in a child's life this coming year. It is usually not about the money you spend but the time you spend. It is simple, it is necessary, it just takes your time and effort. The dividens are great, build a memory.

The Mistress

There is often a man within that wishes to escape. It is not that he does not desire or love the woman he has choosen to be by his side for life. there is something that overwhelmes him to search for a fulfilllment that has left him longing for that love which others cannot see. I have that longing, and have had for most of my life. It is difficult if not impossible to resist it is burned deep within my mind and heart. She has beauty that no woman seems to be able to overcome. She is my Mistress, she is known to my love, although without full understanding, she has fully accepted her presence.

The Mistress

There’s a lady, No let us say,

a woman a mature woman.

One that within her buxom,

has an eternal grasp on a man.


She entices with one whisper,

enough to say a million words.

She draws with one scent,

what all the perfume of the world cannot do.


She will lure him unto darkness,

with all her mysteries.

She will consume him with a heat,

that has conquered so many of her past.


She holds no regard

for the woman he will find in life.

She holds no sympathy,

for her empty or lonely heart.


She is a fearful mistress,

bringing a man to the edge of destruction.

Only to let him live and long,

for the day he might return.


Other women see her cruelty,

in her seeking for the love he has.

He only sees the lustful beauty

that draws him there.


There is no conquering this mistress,

for a woman has nothing with which to fight.

For whatever beauty a woman has,

is pale in comparison to those she possesses.


It is a wild lustful nature, he desires,

it calls him toward that which he views.

The site of skies, expanses of land,

mountain tops, that wish to take his hand.




The West, is a freedom that calls ,

in a whispering breeze

As dusk is overtaken by darkness,

he is overtaken by all he sees.


There’s a lady, No let us say,

a woman a mature woman.

One that within her buxom,

has an eternal grasp on a man.

© 2011 Merle Roehr

Living Through The Hurt

     I have but one thought as I think of the pain "If you still feel the pain, then you're still alive. A few weeks ago I lost a couple of boys that were in my care as a houseparent in the facility that I work for.  When I say that I lost them, it was that they were moved into others care because of their behavior. It is not that I have lost touch with them nor even that they wanted to be removed from my care, it was because of a dumb mistake on their part. I have in the passed had children moved from my care and even some of the feelings that I had hurt me emotionally. This pain was different than any that I have ever had, I felt as though I had failed in teaching them something or had guided them in a direction that they should never have gone. It is a difficult thing for a man to face failure, it is a more difficult thing for a man to honestly look at the situation and decide if it really was failure. It has taken me weeks to reflect and decide just what it was that happened, and as it is, there are so many deciding factors and people in these young men's lives that it is next to impossible to get a handle on the whole. I have also faced the feeling of betrayal, in that these young men made the decision and the plans to accomplish this feat, it was as if they had decided that there was no need for help and the man in their life was incapable to give them the help they needed. Today I was thinking, how many fathers of children who are biological have or are facing this exact situation. It is when you believe you are the only one facing difficulties, that if you look around, one is never by themselves. I had forgot something that I did with mo own biological son that one should do with every child they have, raise or that they are given responsibility of, "pray for them." Pray for them as early as you know your are going to have them, when they're conceived, when they're born, when they're given to you, when they turn 1, 4, 14, or 24 pray for them. After the prayer it is time to teach them everything you can about life, living, and God and do it to the best of your ability, there are so many others out there that will teach them all the things that will lead them the other way. I am not talking about these two boys anymore, it is about me. I had begun to fail, not in what I had been doing but in what I had let this episode begin to do to me. I was willing and am still fighting this problem of wanting to give up, just because things didn't work exactly the way I planned.                      
     To all the fathers out there we can sometimes do everything as correct as we know and do the best we can at the very moment and still not have the results we had strove and hoped for. There are so many influences out there, so many opinions, and such a great difference of modern culture in the world today, that it is hard to know what to do and easy to second guess yourself. There are no promises in this situation, save one "seek the counsel of God's word and live in His presence, seek His guidance and He will show the answers, look for His comfort when things go wrong and He will console, seek forgiveness when mistakes are made and He will forgive. God is the only answer for the pain, remember that if you still feel the pain, then you're still alive. Oh, and add to this seek God and bask in His console and live life full.