Commitment in Parenting

I have a friend who is a much better writer than I, She recently posted or wrote a short piece called "Intrusive Supervision". I believe that her work and what she places on her blog is worthwhile reading, her name is Beth Robinson and her blog is kidscallmedoc if you have the opertunity it is all good stuff for the parent. This particular piece is about making sure your child is alright in whatever situation your child is in.
It is with current experiences that I have begun thinking about what it means to truely be a parent, something that has been on my mind in some manner for the past 20 years as a house-parent for a facility. It is along with a thought that I heard a couple of years ago when listening to an expert on youth culture. This gentelman used an expression in his session "systemic abandonment" . We could begin to give this thought many definitions but his thought was that most children at about the age of 8-10 the parents start letting them find themselves and do what they want to do, in short. It all comes about as a lack of time or maybe from the fact that the family needs two jobs to support the home. I am not saying that every household that has a two income home is neglecting their children, just offering observation from my point.
Now back to this idea of true parenting and intrusive supervision. It is necessary or should be for every parent that we care enough about our children to go the extra mile to protect them. I have begun to see so many parents that have children and everything is still about them. They are still the child they have still not really found themselves, they still have need for someone to care for them or to give them praise for everything they do. Thus, they themselves fail to see the need of the child they have in their care, because everything is focused on themselves. Parenting is about giving up one's self, I may still have my hobbies and those things I enjoy doing, but it is not my main aim. As a parent I must know where my child is and are they safe, that means that it takes some time out of my day. If I have a child that is having difficulty and soils his pants on a regular basis (7 years old), let's say daily, I must look into what is going on. At 54 it is difficult to communicate with a 7 year old, especially one who lacks those skills. I must find out what is really happening. I am told it is everyday and sometimes more often. I will not go into what I was told the discipleing was, but let's say some was with a great deal of screeming, it's difficult to communicate that way. When I approched the boy with the problem it took me several days to realize what was happening. He did have some problem in that area but it was seldom, what he did have difficulty with was cleaning his bottom so his underware was soiled. However the lack of communication had caused the problem to become worse and fearful, which closed the communcation. As adults and especially immature adults we tend to want things to happen now, for the most part with children it takes time and retraining. I learned that if you want to train anything it takes time and it first takes trust, that does not happen with screeming and beating. As I said I work in childcare and so many children are out there who lack something. It may be that a child is doing something that is socially unacceptable, morally wrong, or maybe unethical, I must understand that to them they are doing what is right or the normal. Case and point, There was a young lady who had been raped a great many years as a child, when she was an older teen she had very open sex, after she married and had children her daughter was sexually assulted by her father, when things finally came out she did not know it was wrong, she had been taught by her father that this was right. We in general know that these things are socially, morallyor ethicly wrong but to the child that has been tought they are all right, they see them as right. Working with children as parents is in my thought, "Intrusive Supervision". It is a parent's responcability to help their child grow, to care for, to nurture and to bloom. It takes trust, it takes time, it takes effort, it takes patience and it takes selflessness. We are not raising cattle, sheep, or horses, all of which I care for at most cost, these are lives that came to us a parents, they are our legacy. God through the Psalms says Blessed is the man who quiver is full. He gave them to us and we are Blessed. I does not matter if they are blood, foster or in a facility setting, I have had over 125 children in my care over the past 20 years, it has been difficult, there have been times I wanted to give up, there have been times I have been selfish, but I have always been blessed. May God help each parent to be willing to go beyond having children and be selfless.